What to Do If Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant
Discovering that the girl you’re seeing is unexpectedly pregnant can overwhelm both partners. What to do if your girlfriend is pregnant is important because you don’t want to pressure your girlfriend into feeling any particular way.
Most will want to support their girlfriend. At the same time, you want to understand your feelings and decide how to approach the possibility of becoming a father. If you weren’t expecting it and your girlfriend told you they’re pregnant, here is what to do.
1. Don’t Ask How It Happened
A natural reaction a lot of men have is, “How?” Don’t be that guy. Getting pregnant is not a blame game. Just like her, you are equally responsible for what happened. It doesn’t matter if the condom failed or if she used birth control properly.
Blame will not help anyone nor produce anything constructive to the conversation around your girlfriend being pregnant, so it must be set aside if you feel your emotions going that way.
2. Have a Paternity Test Done
Paternity is important for several reasons. You want to confirm that the child comes from you, allowing you to gain legal rights to child support, custody, and other benefits.
If you suspect your girlfriend has been unfaithful, if you had an open relationship or if it’s not a committed relationship, or if she’s told you that it might not be yours, these are all reasons to determine the baby’s paternity with certainty. A paternity test while pregnant will give you answers and clear away uncertainties.
3. Stay Calm and Non-Judgmental
When you first hear your girlfriend is pregnant, it’s natural to feel worried, scared, or embarrassed. Your girlfriend is likely going through similar feelings as well. Be calm and compassionate towards them. Talk it through. Even if you’re angry, don’t raise your voice or try to shame them for anything that may have happened in or out of their control.
4. Explore Your Own Feelings Privately
If your initial reaction was anger or discomfort, that’s a fairly normal reaction among some men but try not to show it to your girlfriend. Think about why that was your reaction. Seek out a counsellor or someone you trust to discuss it.
Don’t yell. Don’t give your girlfriend the silent treatment. Don’t disengage from the situation. There may need to be emotional work you need to do to come to terms with this new information, and that’s okay.
5. Ask Her How She Feels and Be Supportive
It’s one thing to get someone pregnant. It’s another experience to be pregnant. Be supportive of her feelings. Ask her how she feels about it. Tell her you will be there for her and help her decide what to do next. This is important to her feeling heard, understood, seen, and safe.
It can take a few days to process the information, so try not to rush into any sort of decision in the future. To start, simply support.
6. Arrange A Doctor’s Checkup
You want to make sure your girlfriend is receiving the care she needs. If she has come to you saying she’s pregnant after the initial reaction has calmed, the next step is ensuring she has medical care available.
Find a doctor. Arrange a checkup. Ensure she’s on track to receive any prenatal care being offered to her. If you have questions for the doctor regarding nutrition or other matters, this is also a path toward getting answers.
7. Eventually Talk About All Available Options
There are three primary options when your girlfriend is pregnant: carrying it to term and becoming a parent, carrying it to term and putting it up for adoption, or abortion.
There are pros and cons to each. You may want to discuss these options after a few days or a week has passed since you, and she first got the news. Give everyone time to feel and think before discussing what to do next.
8. Be Honest About Your Feelings
After you’ve had time to process and it’s time to talk, be honest about your feelings. Don’t run from them. It’s okay to say you’re sad or upset or don’t want to lose her, but you aren’t ready to have a child right now. You won’t want to take your anger out or lose control of your emotions, but you can healthily communicate your concerns and inform your girlfriend of where you’re coming from.
9. Talk About the Relationship Later
Lastly, some questions about your relationship must be discussed, but now’s not the time. You may not know if you want to commit to your girlfriend in a long-term capacity. You may have been thinking about breaking up with her or may not feel like you love her very much.
You don’t have to figure everything out right away. You can support and be there for your girlfriend without knowing where the relationship is heading. Save that conversation for another time.
